As my face is sinking faster than Jon Gosselin’s dignity I have come to the conclusion that it’s only downhill from here.  The best, aesthetically speaking, is not yet to come.  Instead of dwelling in the pools of fat around my ankles, I thought I would make a list of all the great things about aging.  Oprah, are you listening? This is A-Ha moment stuff here.

1. You get to eat dinner at 4 pm.
2. Three words: Elastic Waist Pants.
3. It gets more and more acceptable to wear support garments and comfortable full coverage underwear.
4. Who doesn’t love a mid morning nap?  The more beauty sleep the better.
5. The more wrinkles and rolls you have, the less you notice new ones.
6. You can hit and curse at people and they’ll think you are just being cute.
7. More visits to the hospital mean more chances to get your hooks into a hot young doctor…or at least get felt up by one.
8. The golden years for you may leave your eggs a little rusty.  Spend the money you’ll save on birth control on gum, Kleenex, and blue eye shadow.
9. Instead of pesky flossing and brushing, just soak your teeth overnight on the bathroom counter.  Your tongue will enjoy all the extra real estate in your mouth.
10. When you get old you don’t have to shave.  Your hair just falls out from everywhere…except from your     chin.  Think about that before you spend thousands of dollars on laser hair removal…you won’t be the   only broad in the home with a Brazillian.