I started a cleanse because I haven’t been able to exercise after I tore a tendon in my knee during an unfortunate jump into a too shallow pool.  Let it be known I was defending the honor of my fine and upstanding flippy cup team.  And while my injured leg is has a nice atrophied svelte look from my groin to ankle brace, my right leg was in the need of a little maintenance.  And so that’s why I started the 3 day Gaiam Radiance Cleanse.

I have done this cleanse once before about 6 months ago and I distinctly remember thinking that there was no way in hell I would ever do it again.  But desperate times…and I did lose about 6 pounds last time and have kept 4 of it off without changing my eating habits drastically.  The cleanse promises to leave you radiant, sparkly and lighter…it doesn’t mention my other friends in the literature, Grouchy, Growly, and Poopy, but they’ll all visit you, rest assured.

Scared but cocky I strapped on the food processor and dove in.  Day 1 started off ok, probably because I carb loaded the night before but it was downhill after lunch.  You do get to “eat” on this cleanse, but somehow beets ground up with radishes aren’t my idea of a good time.  I went to bed on Day 1 with a grumbling tummy, headache, and a divorce lawyer on speed dial after my husband decided to eat pizza in front of me.

Morning of Day 2….hard to jump out of the bed for a glass of hot water with lemon.  Managed to drag myself to the kitchen and in my state of malnutrition managed to turn on the wrong burner and set a wooden cutting board on fire.   Even more pathetic was how delicious the burning wood smelled….must have been some food residue stuck on the burner.  I almost licked it.  This is by far the hardest day of the cleanse, but the evening does reintroduce solid food ahhh raisins and cashews!     My beloved husband wised up and went out to dinner while I took to the couch with the vapors for a Tori and Dean marathon. 

Check back on Friday to read how the rest of the cleanse went, weight loss, if I passed out while trying to lift my fingers while typing this, and if my marriage survived.