I have been really disappointed by Target’s GO line recently. Since when do you have to have mosquito bites for bubbies to wear high fashion knock offs? So I was excited when I heard that Max Azaria and Norma Kamali were doing lines for Walmart.

 
I logged on the evilempire.com (Walmart) and was thrilled to find Norma Kamali’s “All in One Jersey Top”. I was intrigued by the video on the website that showed the easy transitions to wear this shirt 8 ways. Yes, EIGHT ways. From one shoulder and halter, to a fabulous mini dress, this was my dream garment come true all for $20. I couldn’t wait for it to arrive at my door.

 
Turns out I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I ordered a medium and in fairness I didn’t read the size chart. I must have missed the line about that told me that a medium is the appropriate size for women 19 months pregnant with 8 illegitimate fetus’. My bad for not reading the fine print.

 
Undeterred I pulled up my trusty instructional video and went to work. I cinched, I tied, I sashed my way through all 8 designs, and even made up some of my own. Each time I turned hopefully toward the mirror and found I looked more ridiculous than before. I felt used, defeated, and tired of contorting my body into impossible positions. Torso’s just aren’t meant to be shoved through neck holes.

Rating: .5 Carats.  If you need to make a sex swing want to look like you swam through a garbage bag, then this is the shirt for you.