1.  Fruitcake- Part doorstop, part Texas Sushi.  Its always smart to pass on squishy, fruity balls.

2.  Those little favor coupon books- ladies do you really want to walk in after a long day’s work and have your significant other present you with a piece of paper saying he is entitled to a sexual favor?  Whip out the visa instead…you will thank me later.

3. Anything for your pets- Does a creature that spends a significant amount of time every day licking its own naughty bits really derserving of a Christmas present?

4.  Holiday letters describing your family’s past year- let me let you in on a little secret…no one cares if Bobby won the soccer championship or Little Susie came in second in the most fantastic child who breathes air pageant, so save a tree and don’t waste your time.

5.  Anything that requires more than 30 minutes of assembly time- We all think our children are brilliant, but even future aerospace engineers do not need any thing at ages 10 and younger that requires a degree from MIT and 4 Bloody Mary’s to assemble.

6. Holiday applique anything- From sweaters, to ties, to pot holders.  I like Christmas as much as the next person, but the season is festive enough with out the nativity sceen complete with Rudolph gazing adoringly at the Baby Jesus emblazoned on your chest.

7.  Anything that requires some action be taken on the part of the giftee- While the thought is nice no one wants to be an active participant in their own gift, so save the cooking classes, enrichment seminars and Lowe’s cards for someone who gives a damn.

8.  Photo Montages of Your Children- We know they’re cute, most of the time anyway, but even the most doting of grandparents are at a loss as to where to display the 3ft by 5ft visual display of every significant event of your little bastard’s past year.

9. Anything gift that requires water, food, sunlight or excessive amounts of attention. The odds are not in your favor.

10.  Boxes of Fruit- I have honestly never understood this one.  Why does an oversized box of pears, apples and oranges equate with the holiday season?  Maybe a symbol of the fruitfulness and bounty of the past year?  Or maybe it is suggestive or a ripeness of spirit than endows the blessings of the holiday season?  Or maybe it is sign that your gifter was lazy, uncreative and thinks your fat behind could benefit from a little less eggnog and a little more vitamin C.