
Everyone always comments on the miracle of birth and for everyone that has done it, the true miracle is making through the 10 months (40 weeks…you do the math) without losing your mind as quickly as your waistline. Unless you are the freak of nature that is Gisele Bundchen, pregnancy is fraught with humbling physical changes that can reduce the most confident of women to cowering in their plus size tent dresses.
In an effort to combat the National Geographic breasts, bilious bowels and two-toned facial pigmentation, I turned to an old stand-by in a redesigned form…the Spanx Power Mama Shapers which sell for a moderately priced $32.00. Now as you know from prior reviews, the PP’s are big fans of the Spanx line. However, that being said, I have no idea what dear Ms. Blakesly was thinking with this product. First of all getting them on requires more effort than any gestating woman can bear and is akin to trying to encase a watermelon in a condom. Second once the aforementioned watermelon is encased, the overall effect resembles a python digesting a small indigenous child. Finally, it defies the laws of physics, nature and personal happiness to attempt to pull in what God, genetics and gluttony are trying so hard to push out. Overall, so not worth it.
Rating: 1 carat…enjoy the period of time that you are entitled to wear elasticized pants, break open that jar of pickles and save the spanx for after delivery when your stomach will resemble an unbaked tube of Pillsbury french bread and a true fashion intervention is required.

















Sara Blakely created the wildly successful Spanx brand for the “haves” and then made them cheaper for the “have nots”. Assets, a knock-off of Spanx made exclusively for Target, provide similar support at a dissimilar price, and should have an instant market with the thirty-somethings trying to maintain a twenty-something figure. A long time devotee of the Spanx line, I decided to see what half my money could buy.