Well my first day of turning over a new leaf was a friggin’ disaster.  The only real accomplishment I had to my name yesterday was finishing off an entire bag of tailgate sized Ruffles potato chips and then I made some Doritos vanish…just call me David Copperfield…watch while my dignity disappears in my fat roll.

But, I digress.  As the season’s change my skin goes from oil slick to the Sahara desert and I am always looking for products that can help me transition into the cooler months…while keeping my skin from looking like the distressed leather of some high end handbag I can’t afford.

Enter Neutrogena’s New Mineral Sheer Concealer Kit.  At $14 it’s a bit pricey for drugstore concealer but I must say this stuff is different.  First off, there are two steps.  One to conceal the wrinkles, dark circles, and the pimples I am still getting despite the fact that I am 30 years old, and the other step is a powder that hides the concealer.  And in this case, 2 steps are better than 1.

It takes a bit of time to master the application, less definitely is more and it helps to warm up the liquid on the back of your hand before you apply or use a small brush.  This stuff covers great and definitely wakes up a tired eye without settling into not so fine lines.  And it’s got SPF 20.  I was a little concerned when picking out my shade that it would be too orange, but the color was perfect on my skin.  I went with Fair and so would Edward Cullen.

Rating: 2 Carats.  Tough on bags, blemishes and bluish under-eye circles.

For a limited time only  get full-finish lipstick in “do tell”, a luscious pink blossom shade, with any $35 order from Benefit Cosmetics.

Enter DOTELL09 at checkout. Offer valid 9/8/09 to 9/15/09. Don’t forget to add product to shopping bag before checkout.

Following my second trip to the dentist this century, and after spending a small fortune rectifying the damage done by my fondness for banana laffy taffy, I decided it was time to start paying some extra attention to my teeth.  Firmly believing that beauty starts on the outside, I came to the conclusion that a whiter smile was just the thing to put the bright back into my bite.   Unwilling to commit to sitting in the middle of the mall while some teenager working weekends to pay for hair extensions aimed a laser at my face, I opted for the do it yourself home version offered by Crest Whitestrips for a mere $39.99.

My handy dandy kit came with 26 strips that I was instructed to apply twice a day.   In the hopes of obtaining legitimate pearly whites, I dutifully followed the instructions even though the application tasted like I was licking glue off of scotch tape.   Day after day I flashed my best supermodel smile in the mirror hoping my chompers would be bright enough to eliminate the need for a night light.   After two weeks there was some improvement, and to be fair years of coffee and chianti had created a nigh impossible task.   Overall, worth the effort… after all, Rome wasn’t built in a day or even in two weeks.   It took a whole month.

Rating: 2 carats.  It will take more than this to get you a Seacrest smile, but not bad for a quick fix.  Ruby Out.

As I was wracking up  my obligatory $100 bill at Target, I wandered down the moisturizer aisle looking for the newest cream that promised botox-like results on a budget.  Whilst browsing I stumbled across Clean & Clear’s Morning Burst In Shower Facial.  And while the brand and packaging took me back to high school and I had already experienced a “morning burst” in the shower that morning from my husband, I couldn’t resist the $3.95 price tag.

For some reason I was very optimistic about this product and immediately jumped in the shower to give it a whirl.  The directions say to apply and leave on for a few minutes while the steam works it’s magic and then rinse. As the package promised, it did smell invigorating and had a nice citrus-y scent.  I could feel it exfoliating as I rinsed it off and my skin felt instantly refreshed.  When I got out of the shower my skin looked polished and dare I say: I even glowed a little.

As I got dressed to go out and put on my makeup I felt fantastic!  My hair was working, my jeans weren’t leaving welts on my flanks, and my skin was radiant.  Now, I realize I can’t attribute this all to the product, but it had been a long time since I felt really cute, so I am definitely adding this product to my weekly routine.

Rating: 3 Carats.  How great is it to find a product that actually makes you want to shower?

It’s been awhile since I have had a long term relationship with any drugstore mascara.  Sure there have been false alarms…the promising first uses, shiny packaging, persuasive commercials, vibrating wands.  But all it takes one reckless night when you go to bed without washing your face and you wake up with stained sheets and ring around the eye and you realize, the mascara wasn’t worth all this trouble in the first place.  It didn’t really give you the false eyelash look, it didn’t truly extend and curl, and the vibrating wand didn’t really pack the punch we needed for…proper mascara application.

Oh my friends I have been taken in a time or two.  My relationship with mascara is well documented in discarded tubes and expectations unmet.  But all that changed when I discovered Maybelline’s Lash Stiletto.  At $7.49 it’s many dineros cheaper than your department store brands, and it definitely packs a similar punch.  It excels in the lengthening arena, my lashes were long and spidery and I loved them.  I have drugstore beauty product ADD and I hardly ever buy the same mascara twice but this product will be in my beauty bag for a while to come.

Rating: 3 Carats.   

I was so excited when Cover Girl came out with Outlast Lipstain.  I really really wanted it  to work because I hate reapplying lipstick during the day.  I have very little natural color to my lips and since I can’t afford the high class look of tattooed on lip liner, I figured at $8.99 this stuff was a good compromise. 

I deliberated long and hard over what color to buy and eventually settled on Wild Berry.  Well, clearly I picked the wrong color because I could have achieved the same effect by taking a red Sharpie and drawing all over my face.    Also, your lips need to be perfectly exfoliated and moisturized before use because this is sort of drying and will definitely highlight and little skin flaps or any chapping you might be sporting.  If you are having trouble deciding on a shade the Cover Girl website will help you pick the color that’s right for you…if you give them all your vital info.

I have played with this for a couple of days and this is not a low maintenance product as advertised, but if you are willing to reapply and perhaps wear under lip gloss or lip stick you may not be too disappointed.  Keep an eye in the mirror though, I wore it for a couple hours under lipstick and thought I was looking really cute.  Then I looked in the mirror and I discovered that my lips were stained all right…all around the edges of my lips I had color but none on the lips themselves. It seriously looked like I had been in a hot and heavy make out session with the Kool Aid Pitcher Man.

Rating: 1 carat.  Not fool proof but maybe worth playing around with.

Ever wake up in the morning and feel like your eyes look like two piss holes in a snow bank? On mornings like that the first thing I do, after making an Irish coffee, is apply a little Miss Popularity by Benefit. A small dab of this stuff on the inside corner of your eyes makes you look instantly brighter, more open and like you haven’t spent the night before huddled over a water bong. In addition to the fabulous name, this stuff works almost as well as a hyperbaric chamber to make you seem instantly more refreshed. At $24 it ain’t cheap, but it is worth it.  If Ally Sheedy had access to this in the eighties she would have been the one banging Judd Nelson instead of that little Molly Ringwald tramp.

Rating 3 carats. A quick fix that will take you from marching band to prom queen in a matter of seconds.

(The PPs do not endorse drug use of any kind unless its for medicinal purposes or a national holiday).