Don’t call it a comeback…like Jesus we’ve risen again.  Ruby and Pearl are back, bitches.

And we’re highlighting our return and our faces with Bonnie Bell’s Gel Bronzer.

Now, I am wary of bronzers seeing as how I am a kinked helix away from being clinically albino, and upon first squirt this stuff seems more appropriate for Billy Dee than little ole me, but this stuff is tan-freakin-tastic.   I slathered it on the other day and my husband commented on my healthy post workout glow AND said I looked skinny…well, the joke is on him as I skipped the gym to drink wine and eat fried pickles with my girlfriends, awww yeah.

A dab will do you and this little tube of wonder will last all summer long.  The bronzer can be hard to find, but if you want to avoid going from drugstore to drugstore in search of this illuminating wonder, it’s available on Amazon for $7.99.

Rating: 3 Carats.  This stuff gives good face.  Between this and Dr. Pepper flavored lip balm I think Bonnie Bell deserves a noble peace prize.

As we head into the Holiday home stretch I find that the more I cross of my list, the more I realize I have forgotten to put myself on there.  After mailing packages and running spreading cheer, I looked in the mirror and found my face shinier than Rudolph’s honker.  I’m all for the dewy look, but winter cold and blasting heat stimulates my t-zone faster than Tiger can pull a hooker’s hair.

Thankfully there is a solution.  I am loving Sephora’s Matte Blotting Film.  These little beauties soak up oil but leave make up in tact.  Unlike some of the other blotting papers I have used, these don’t leave a chalky powder behind.  The sheets seem to be made of a soft silcone-y substance that sucks up oil faster than you can say egg nog.  And at $10 for 50 sheets, they’re perfect for discreet touch ups leaving you matte and magnificent.

Rating: 3 Carats.  These will make sure it’s your personality that shines, not your face.

I’m realizing more and more these days that it takes a village of beauty products to keep this houseboat afloat. And while I’m not quite to elephant man status, my face sans makeup is not the sort that is going to inspire sonnets, at least not from any aspiring poets with 20/20 vision. Lately one of the first things I’ve turned to the morning after two cups or coffee and an iced pop tart, is my trusty jar of Erase Paste from Benefit Cosmetics. While I realize the name is reminiscent of something that you may try sniffing on spring break in Daytona your fifth year of college, it is really a tiny jar of indispensable goodness designed to fix the natural topography of your face. At around $26 this product packs a large punch for the price. Part concealer/part foundation a little dab around your eyes and on non-cooperative areas really does make a noticeable difference. It may not be enough for you to “know what beauty is, see where it lies”, but if old Willy S. was still alive it may get you a couple of stanzas of poetical adoration.

Rating 3 carats. Now, if I could just find a product to erase my cellulite I’d be feeling like a hundred bucks.

Usually I choose my products in line with the holy trinity of price, smell, and most importantly spokesmodel appeal.  It’s not a tried and true formula, but overall it’s served me well.  Well, besides that time I bought a vat of LA Look’s Hair Gel from a Richard Grieco look alike.

A few weeks ago a broke from routine and picked up Garnier’s Ultra Lift Anti Wrinkle Firming Moisture Cream SPF 15 as advertised by Sarah Jessica Man Hands.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Carrie just as much as the next gal and I am disgustingly envious of the shoe collection her two new daughters will inherit.  But coveting her skin would be like lusting after Octomom’s abs.

At just under $15 I really think this does a good job of diminishing fine lines and my face feels much firmer and perfectly moisturized heading into the winter months.

Rating: 2 carats.  I just wish this came in a little higher spf but I’d definitely buy it again.

Heading into the Winter months always makes my skin look like a hot mess. Between the artificial indoor heat and the outdoor cold manages to create the perfect storm of dry skin and pimples. Not really the look I am going for.

Enter Queen Helene’s Original Mint Julep Masque available at Walgreen’s for $3.99. If you ever had impressions taken of your teeth at the orthodontist, this is exactly what this mask feels and smells like. The mintiness is quite refreshing and this masque promises to draw impurities from your pores, tighten skin, ease tired muscles and reduce lines in the face and neck. I was particularly excited about the last claim as my neck has been looking like pizza dough stuffed in wrinkly panty hose of late.

Once I had the house to myself I slathered up for the requisite 15 minutes. It felt tingly and tightening, what more could a girl ask for? When I removed the masque my skin was smoother, more moisturized, tighter and softer than my midsection. Mission accomplished.

Rating: 3 Carats. For $4 I feel like a new woman…now if only Queen Helene had something in a croc patent leather.

Always on the prowl for anything that help get my face from Halloween to Hollywood, I took the plunge with Benefit’s latest product One Hot Minute. At $30 for a less than generous supply, its price per product amount may be a little questionable. One Hot Minute is a tawny powder that is dusted over top of your normal makeup application and promises minimized pores and a radiant airbrushed glow.

Hoping for Giselle but expecting Getty Lee, I went through the application process as described to me by the overly enthusiastic, commission based employee at the Benefit counter. After my dutiful application, I girded my loins and took a peek. The powder did give my skin a nice glow and evened out those areas overlooked by my foundation application, however the porous areas around my nose still resembled pictures of moon craters as taken by the Hubble telescope. Overall, this product did not quite pack the punch I expected. Maybe I should have waited for the 5 minute version.

Rating: 2 carats. Still a great product and worth the buy, but not quite as fabulous as I had hoped, although, in all fairness, it may just be my face.

Part blush, part bronzer Dallas by  Benefit touts itself as an “outdoor glow for an indoor face.”    While their tag line makes me think of those forty-something sun seekers that spend their days at the club participating in the mixed doubles league merely as an excuse to wear those tight tennis togs, this product is to die for.  Unlike a traditional blush, this product can be swept anywhere you desire a little added joie de vivre.  Dallas is different than some competitor products, that make you look like you are in the running for season nine of Dancing With The Stars, this product is subtle and does deliver a more natural look.  Which brings me to the only issue I have with this product…the name.  Anyone who has ever visited the Lone Star State, knows that nothing in Dallas is subtle or understated.   Don’t get me wrong, I am not messing with Texas, but just food for thought that maybe  Denver would be more apropos.

Rating: 3 carats.  Love it, love it, love it!    Now all I need is a cowboy…preferably one with a tight end and multi-million dollar endorsement deal.