Ruby and I are working on an album and music video for our first single Hungry Ass. In the meantime we wanted share some lyrics born from Ruby’s recent visit to the midwest and too much cherry vodka.  Here’s a link to an instrumental version of Hungry Eyes to get you in the mood.  Feel free to sing along.  We’re sure your boss will be impressed.

I’ve been meaning to tell you

I’ve got this feelin just won’t pass

You’ve been causing some chaffing

And I am not sure it’s gas

I’ve got hungry ass

My panties are stuck up in my crevasse

I’ve got hungry ass

On the potato chips I should have passed

I’ve got hungry ass

I want to pick you but it’s too deep

Between my butt cheeks you seem to creep

Munchin my jeans

Like an eatin’ machine

For my hungry ass

My panties are stuck up in my crevasse

I’ve got hungry ass

On the potato chips I should have passed

And I’ve got hungry ass

Now I’m not sure it’s gas

Out of my hungry ass

I need you to stop

Or my ass is going to pop

I’ve got hungry ass

On this meal I cannot pass

I’ve got hungry ass

I try to quit you but it cannot last

And I’ve got hungry ass

Now I’ve got pants in my crack

Of my hungry ass

Did I take you for some foie grass

With my hungry ass

RIP Patrick Swayze, may you be chilling with other Tai Chai practicing bouncers and teaching the camp kids hot dance routines for all eternity.

Have you ever had a couple of super indulgent weeks where you eat and drink to your hearts content and then step on the scale to find that you’ve miraculously lost a few pounds?  Yeah, me neither.

Since rubbing Shape magazine all over my thighs isn’t having a noticeable impact and I swear to Suzanne Somers it was my grandma’s butt I saw in the 360 mirror of the Nordstrom’s dressing room this weekend, the time for a massive overhaul is here.  Apparently using my abs to suck in my stomach while I shove myself into my pants is not enough to trim and tone and the time for massive action is upon us.

So us Product Princesses are launching Overhaul for the Fall, or Overfallin’ for short.  Check back over the next few weeks for 3 carat products and practices guaranteed to polish you up while expending the least amount of effort possible.  We’re all about quick fixes and we’ll try to focus on the inside too, but lets face it, when you focus on the outside, the inside is bound to catch up sooner or later.  Let’s meet Fall head on with the goal to be fit, fashion forward, and fabulous…and make extra room in our pants for Halloween candy and mashed potatoes.

Check back often for tips, trends, and we’ll all live chic on the cheap this autumn season.

Dear Ruby and Pearl,

                  I am a single female on the prowl.   Every second Friday (payday) I pick out my outfit, with matching accessories of course, use my bump -it to achieve a sophisticated up do,  and head out to our local fine dining establishment for some BBQ spareribs.  Despite my refined exterior, once those delicious little morsels and in front of me, I can’t keep my animalistic nature in check…  No matter how hard I try I can’t keep the juice from staining my fingers, splattering on my dress and from crusting at the corners of my mouth.  

I sure do love those spareribs, but I’m afraid the spareribs may be keeping love from me. Please help. 

                                                                                                            Sincerely,

                                                                                                            Desperately Seeking Sam

Dear Desperately Seeking Sam,

                  Every lonely, and hungry, woman can empathize with your situation.   We are never ones to advocate ordering salads in order to impress the weaker sex, however maybe with a little planning you can keep your primal side in check, at least until the lights are off.   We would suggest branching out a little menu-wise to find something equally satisfying, but a little less hands on.  Salisbury Steak is an excellent alternative and doesn’t even require a knife.  Once you’ve landed your fish, you can revisit the sparerib option…nothing says romance like licking BBQ sauce off of each other’s fingers.

                                                                              Let us know how it works out,

                                                                              Ruby and Pearl

Hope you all had a great weekend!  We will resume our reviews tomorrow but we are excited to announce that we’re starting a new feature here on the blog.  Ask us your burning beauty questions and we’ll solve all your product problems.  Well, if you have any actual burning we suggest you see a doctor or apply a ’sporin of some sort.

Leave your questions in the comments section below and we’ll let you know how we really feel about wearing a bra with clear white trash straps, what product your prince should use on to tame his mane, or how to spruce up your beauty routine for those special nights when you plan on hooking up while your sober.  

xoxo

Your Product Princesses

Ruby & Pearl