Wow.  I’ve never felt better.  So incredibly sexy and desirable.   I am really enjoying the fact that my elastic waisted pants are leaving angry red welts on my stomach and inner thighs.  But don’t worry, I polished off all the pie so I could start fresh tomorrow…I mean don’t you think it’s better to eat a weeks worth of calories in one bad day of eating instead of snacking poorly the rest of the week, you know, cross that pie off my to do list?

I think so too…and as such I need to re-think my dress for the holiday party circuit because there are not enough Spanx in the free world to suck in this gut.  Enter Stop Staring’s Gathered Ava Dress in black.  I freakin’ love this dress.  Classic, sexy, and stretchy this dress makes you look a whole let better than you actually do.  The ruching on the stomach is perfect for hiding all turkey day transgressions and the material is thick enough to slim out any other bumps or dimples.  It does run a bit small, so make sure to check out the sizing, but at $130 this perfect little black dress will be a wardrobe workhorse for years to come.

Rating: 3 Carats…thank the baby Jesus for this wonder.

Now through Sunday get 50% all Men’s and Women’s sweaters at gap.com.  And if you are into keeping your kids warm, their stuff is on sale too.

As the holidays roll around it is a time for nostalgia and family traditions, it is also time for the retail bonanza designed to play on your heartstrings and your pocketbook. Every year I find myself hitting the holiday sales the way fat people hit the bogo event at Dunkin’ Doughnuts. Along with the traditional holiday gifts, my holiday searches always lead me to finding the perfect holiday dress for the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s festive blitzkrieg. As any self-respecting shopper will tell you, the perfect holiday cocktail dress transcends fabric and embellishments. It is a symbol of the past year and daring glimpse of the bounty of a new beginning. It is a time to branch out and wear something outside of the box, to be flirty instead of frigid, to be a tiger instead of tame. This year, I have definitely found the one in Anthropolgie’s “Spirited Away Dress” which retails for an affordable $128.00.

The yummy eggplant color is a departure from traditional black and the v-cut back will ensure that people watch you both coming and going. This dress is not only perfect for the holidays, but can transition into a year round ensemble that is perfect for summer weddings. Flattering on a variety of shapes it literally allows you to have your cake and eat it too.

Rating: 3 carats. Retail never smelled so good.

Visit Gap Stores Wednesday thru Friday!

I’m realizing more and more these days that it takes a village of beauty products to keep this houseboat afloat. And while I’m not quite to elephant man status, my face sans makeup is not the sort that is going to inspire sonnets, at least not from any aspiring poets with 20/20 vision. Lately one of the first things I’ve turned to the morning after two cups or coffee and an iced pop tart, is my trusty jar of Erase Paste from Benefit Cosmetics. While I realize the name is reminiscent of something that you may try sniffing on spring break in Daytona your fifth year of college, it is really a tiny jar of indispensable goodness designed to fix the natural topography of your face. At around $26 this product packs a large punch for the price. Part concealer/part foundation a little dab around your eyes and on non-cooperative areas really does make a noticeable difference. It may not be enough for you to “know what beauty is, see where it lies”, but if old Willy S. was still alive it may get you a couple of stanzas of poetical adoration.

Rating 3 carats. Now, if I could just find a product to erase my cellulite I’d be feeling like a hundred bucks.

We’ve been on the hunt for affordable, but memorable, holiday dresses.  We’ll be posting several of our favorites in the weeks to come.  But I’d like to start with this beauty from Victoria Secret.  It’s super flattering, comes in a plethora of colors, and it’s stretchy.  Perfect for me since I have gotten a jump on the Holiday season and have already reached my fighting weight. This dress is a really nice quality matte jersey and it’s $88.  I also love that with accessories it is perfect for the Holidays, but could also be worn year round.  I’m pairing the teal above with gold shoes belt, and there is nothing more flattering than a one shoulder dress.

Rating: 2 Carats.  Comfortable and sexy enough to get your fair share under the mistletoe.

Enter FALL09 at checkout and receive $15 off orders of $100 or more.

All Nine West shoes $14.95 at 6pm.com.